Merry Grinchmas to all

“I tried to steal the new Port aux Basques pumper truck, but there were too many firefighters so I pretended to go along with it. ‘Twas great fun trolling through the town, but sirens tend to scare my poor doggie Max!” – Courtesy of © Jeff Musseau

‘Tis a few days before Christmas
And all through the town
I’ve been doing my best
To make you all frown

But you giggle and cheer
Mouths agape, eyes agog
Whenever I appear
Somewhere with my dog

I went to Colemans
To buy some Who Hash
But the shoppers all laughed
So I dashed past the cash

I went to the post office
To mail Santa a letter
I begged him “Stay home
So I can feel better.”

But the clerks took my photo
And praised my quick trip
When all that I wanted
Was to warn off St. Nick

I went to the schools
Where the kiddies all play
And study together
In their classrooms all day

But Max seems to love them
And this just won’t do
He’s the Grinch’s best buddy
He can’t like the Whos!

We jumped in my car
And drove back to town
Where people beeped horns
Their smiles brought me down
I made it back home
I jumped in my bed
Yanked the covers up over
My fuzzy green head

As the darkness sets in
Christmas lights shine bright
And well wishers pass by
Wishing holiday delights

Even Max will forsake me
For the kiddies he meets
Who rub, squeeze and kiss him
And sneak him sweet treats

But my home is my castle
And if Santa comes in
I’ll yank the hair off of
His chinny chin chin

I’ll steal all of the presents
From that garish red sleigh
And hide them away
‘Til the cold light of day

I’ll stop Christmas from coming
Some way, somehow
And when I’ve succeeded
I’ll take my long bow

You can thank me by keeping
Your songs to yourself
And those silly red elves
Up high on their shelves

Stop petting my dog
Stop smiling my way
It’s time to change Christmas
Into a Grinch holiday!

The Grinch absolutely refuses to grow his tiny, cold heart three sizes too big and much prefers it two sizes too small. He lives on Mount Crumpit with his trusty dog, Max, who is much stronger than a team of eight reindeer (nine if you count Rudolph) and can pull a sleigh all by himself! When he’s not Grinching, he likes to eat cans of Who Hash and plot ways to keep Christmas from coming.

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